Letters to Primrose
by Ameliamoore
Summary: *Spoilers to the end of the third book.* Katniss has been talking to Primrose since her death over a year and a half ago, and recently started to write to her instead. These are a series of letters she wrote to her sister over the twenty years that had passed leading up to the Epilogue.
1. Chapter 1

_To Primrose, the girl who was as lovely as the flower for which she was named_

_You have been gone for more than an entire year and a half now. Doctor Aurelius caught me talking to you yesterday and suggested that I write to you instead. I feel a bit silly, really, but I guess it beats talking to thin air. I miss you, Prim. I miss you every single day, only it never gets better. It never hurts any less. Sometimes I used to come downstairs and start to tell you something, but then I would remember that you weren't there. That I was alone._

_Mother has gone to District four to start a hospital. They named a wing in your honour because, after all, without you none of this would have happened. Some days I wish that your name had never come out of that bowl, Prim, that the rebellion had never happened. I would rather that hundreds suffered for years to come just so I could see you again. For you to be safe above all others. They don't matter to me, but you were my everything. I can't think of anything else some days. Mother won't come home now. I think she sees the dark, empty place where my heart once sat. She's gone again, Prim, but that's okay. She has her work and nobody else left to care for._

_Buttercup came back a little while ago, he's safe and getting fat. He stays in the home we once shared but he won't come to Peeta's. I moved in there last month just so I didn't have to look at the chair you used to sit in or your knitting bag that is still on the floor beside your bed. Hazelle and the children are moving in there soon but she promises to leave your things alone until I can make my self remove them. As long as they are there, you are too. A piece of you, at least._

_It would have been your birthday next month, Prim. Peeta is making you a cake covered in your favourite flowers. We're going to have a small party, just as and the Hawthornes and a few others from Twelve. You would have been Sixteen. That's how old I was when this whole thing began, when everything Changed. I see you everywhere, Prim, you grow as I do. I see you tall and beautiful in your dress feeding the geese with Haymitch. I see you lying in your bed with your hair splayed around your head and those creases in your cheek from where the sheets pressed into them. People are returning to rebuild the district and I swear, Prim, I saw you laughing with the man who sells ribbons at the market. But then she turned around and I realised it wasn't you. It will never be you._

_I promise to write to you as often as I can. I need somebody to share everything with. I need my sister. I love you more than you could imagine and I miss you every day. I'll see you soon, but not soon enough. We'll meet again. But until then, Goodbye my lovely Primrose._

_With all the love in Panem,  
Katniss_


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Primrose_

_You would have been eighteen tomorrow. I'm sorry that I haven't written in a long time but I couldn't. It made it too real, every day I expected to see your reply sitting on the mat waiting for me. That day never came, of course. I wish I could be there to talk to you about your first love. I wish that I could tell you that everything is going to be okay the first time your heart broke. I wish that you could see our District rising from the ashes, Prim. Everything is changing, every day there's something new. Last month President Paylor opened the new train line allowing people to travel between the Districts freely._

_I wish that you could have been here to meet Gale's new girl Aster. She's amazing, Prim, everything I couldn't be for him. She is his dandelion in the spring, his bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. I can finally be happy for him. I can learn to forgive him, I hope. I'd like that._

_Peeta and I are doing better now, every day I try to let him a little more. He's patient with me. More patient than I deserve. The nightmares come less often but I doubt they will ever really stop. I wake up still screaming for you to stay in the hovercraft. I scream and scream but you never hear me. It always ends the same way. It always ends with the crackle of fire and the smell of flesh. Some days I wonder if the rebellion never really ended and this is just a cruel form of torture. I convince myself that I'm still in The Capitol and Snow is punishing me by making me live without you. I dream that I will wake up locked in a basement somewhere and you will be fine. I can't decide which reality I prefer._

_We're having a party in your honour again, and we'll continue to celebrate your life every year. I have a feeling that Buttercup will be with you soon. He's getting older, I don't think he wants to be here without you. We're the same in that. I'll see you soon Prim, I promise._

_With all the love in Panem,  
Katniss_


	3. Chapter 3

_Dear Primrose_

_Your twenty first birthday would have been coming up next week. You've missed so much, Prim, but every time I write to you it takes at least a week to finish. I put down the pen after a word or two because nothing I say does justice how much I still need you. Nothing I ever write seems right. It isn't right that I can't tell him this to your face. You would have finished your training to become a doctor last year and you would be working with the best. Everywhere would be dying to have Doctor Everdeen in their district. I would follow you anywhere, Prim. I would leave everything behind and just pack up my possessions like none of it mattered. _

_Peeta and I are going through a rough patch and I wish you were here to tell. He wants to move on with life but I'm stuck frozen in the past. He wants marriage and children, but all I want is to stay where we are. It's terrifying, being left behind by the rest of Panem, everyone is growing and changing but I'm trapped. Annie Cresta and I are the same. When little Finnick is around she's fine, but the moment he leaves for school and Peeta goes to the bakery she comes here and we sit in the quiet. Sometimes we go to the woods or the meadow, but sometimes we just stand in the kitchen all day waiting for the people who make us whole to return. She left District Four a while ago so that she wouldn't be alone but we visit often. Finnick loves the sea. He knows that it is a part of him. They won't be able to keep him away from it for much longer. He has those eyes, Prim. Remember those eyes? _

_Gale's wedding was the spring after your nineteenth birthday. They hadn't known each other long, but Aster will always be his perfect fit. Their daughter, Maura, was born in the winter. She is as almost as beautiful as you were as a baby. Almost, but not quite. I found away to forgive him, and I'm happy for him. We all came to his wedding and it was easier than I expected. He is the first thing I have managed to let go. With Aster's blessing, we plan to go hunting for the first time in years next week. Neither of us is whole without the forest. _

_Mother isn't doing so well. She works too hard, but nobody can make her rest. She is working her fingers to the bone but she isn't as young as she once was. We're all worried about her but nobody knows what to do. She's so sick that the Doctors don't know what to do. Mainly they keep her on morphling and try to keep her from going to work. She won't let me visit her. She hasn't got long, Primrose. Promise me that you will wait for her up there. Say hello to father for me. Just remember that I'll see you soon Prim, I Promise._

_With all the love in Panem,  
Katniss_


End file.
